How to Create a Parallel Between Yourself and Greatness
likeyoubigger
I've been chatting this whole week about comparisons and so far I've spent a lot of time focusing on how we compare ourselves to those who aren't as well-off as we are. Let's flip the script. Comparing ourselves to those we feel are 'greater' than us: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Actually, let's skim past the bad and the ugly. Most of us are well-aware of the dangers of living for the sake of keeping up with the Joneses. At what point does the line between living the life youwant and the living the life you assume everyone else wants become blurred?
If you're earnestly living the life you want to lead, you won't care what anybody else is doing.
Need I say more? I can't imagine anyone isn't nodding their head to that. So let's skip to the weirder side of the "greater than" comparison—as in: did you know it can be good for you? Me neither. I recently attended a pop-up class by The School of Life—an incredible educational organization "dedicated to developing emotional intelligence" worldwide. Their HQ is in London, but I highly recommend following them because they host pop-ups all over the U.S. and if my experience counts for anything, it's a game-changer. Anyway, in this class I was introduced to psychologist Albert Bandura's theory that one of the main components of confidence is self-efficacy. Self-efficacy = having an understanding of your capabilities (and knowing that you can acquire more in the future). There are a few ways to hone self-efficacy, but one caught me by surprise. It was 'comparison.' Bandura believed that comparing yourself to others who have succeeded—or who you see as 'greater' than you—can inspire you to succeed, yourself. And seeing others in this capacity strengthens a person's self-efficacy.
It's the "if they can do it, so can I" attitude.
Again, I'm going to call this paralleling instead of 'comparing' because I like that the internet allows me to coin words without consulting anyone—but also because 'comparison' is a dirty word and needs to be shown to the corner and put on a time-out. When you see someone who is accomplishing something that you're striving toward and you imagine yourself as being parallel to that person rather than 'better' or 'worse,' you're allowing yourself to accept your separate places, while acknowledging the other's path. That's actually kind of beautiful, don't you think? Can you think of anyone you'd like to parallel? This was a hard question for me, at first. I guess I'm trying to embrace that "you do you, I'm gonna do me" phase, which has been pretty liberating. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there are a TON of people in my life who inspire me. And that's really what this is about: inspiration. It's not about seeing someone who's doing something that other people admire and envying them. It's about seeing someone who's doing something that you admire—and looking to them for inspiration.Everyone is human—we all have to start somewhere. Let's jot this into actionable steps, shall we?
THINK OF SOMEONE YOU ADMIRE — what are they accomplishing that attracts you?This can be anything from career success to the fact that they've run a marathon to their ability to somehow balance work and kids without going criminally insane.
CONSIDER HOW THEY GOT THERE — write down the path you believe they took.If this is someone you know, consider asking them upfront. It takes a little bit of vulnerability to admit when you admire something in someone else, but chances are they'll feel flattered for about 30 seconds and then be more than happy to dive into their process. Ask them how it was for them on Day 1: you may be surprised by how insecure or overwhelmed they felt at first, too.
FIND YOUR PARALLEL — think about characteristics you share with this person.If you consider what they were like when they FIRST STARTED on their path, you might find it helpful. Again, we all have to start somewhere. What initial baby steps can you make to align yourself on a similar path? Write them down!
Granting yourself this kind of perspective is hard, but being able to break down how those you admire achieved what you value is a great way to motivate yourself to get there, too.