The Strange Trick That Will Steer You Toward What You Love

I want you to think about the last time you were in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe it was an awkward conversation at work, an uncomfortable interaction with a stranger at a coffee shop, or maybe you were unpreparedly trying to hit a project deadline. Now think about how you felt in that moment. How would you describe how you felt? If you're like most people, you probably answered with descriptors like, "annoyed, stressed, frightened, pressured, awkward, self-conscious," etc. Did any of you describe how your BODY felt in that moment? Can you even remember? How does your body feel RIGHT NOW as you recall the moment? Tight? Trapped? Short of breath? It's common knowledge that stress can break us down physically, but I still find it SO incredible how few people (myself included) connect the dots that our brains and our bodies are in sync AT ALL TIMES. Back when I was first reading one of my faves, Finding Your Own North Star, I got totally rocked by Beck's incredibly useful #truthbomb. It changed everything for me. So I want to share it with you, too:

Your body can serve as a compass, guiding you toward what you love.

Now think about a time you were doing something you fully enjoyed. It could be as simple as hiking or writing or playing music and as extravagant as skydiving or venturing around a foreign country. How does your body feel RIGHT NOW as you think about that memory? (I just sat up straight in my chair and took a huge breath in as I thought about my moment—totally didn't even mean to. My body feels light, tall, and open when I am remembering a feel-good situation). My point is that our bodies gives us cues to how we feel about any given activity or situation. Everybody's cues are different. Here's an excerpt by Beck that explains how different people reacted when asked to let their bodies do whatever they wanted when thinking about positive or negative situations:

Every person has his or her own gestures of joy or despair, and each will choose different words to describe the accompanying feelings. Sam calls his negative reaction "Being Squashed." It makes him breathe shallowly and push himself backward, as though he's being pressed to death by angry Puritans. His positive reaction is "Lightening Up," and it makes him feel like punching both fists above his head and jumping into the air. Sally's body expresses her negative "Frantic Feeling" by pushing her hands away from her chest, as if she's trying to resist an attack. The opposite reaction, which she calls the "Easy Feeling," makes her lean back and rest her head on her interlaced fingers. — Finding Your Own North Star

I challenge you to this similar, SUPER SIMPLE exercise:

Sit in a chair or lay on the floor—you could even try this while driving, if you're so inclined or feeling 'too busy' (though I'd rather you be in a place where you can close your eyes). Then think about a negative situation. It can be real or imagined. Notice how your body reacts to that thought. (For me, the center of my back gets really tight as though it's pinching itself together. The longer I think about my thought, the more uncomfortable it gets). Then, of course, think about a positive situation. I like to end on a good note so your body is in a good place when the exercise is done. Notice how your body feels when you think about an ideal fantasy—or a time in your life that excited you.

Next time you need to make a decision, USE THIS TECHNIQUE.

I cannot stress this enough. I do it ALL the time now. I'm an insanely indecisive person, so this has come in handy in a big way. I've used it when trying to debate which direction to take my career (when I think about my life in X position my body goes into panic mode? Oh, okay, maybe that's not the direction for me. When I think about working for Y company I feel light and open? Clearly that's the better choice.) and I've even used it when trying to figure out what to make for dinner.

This technique can even help you stand up for yourself when it counts.

I've ALSO used my body as a guide to help me stand up for myself and what I really want. Just this week, for example, I was at the jeweler to solidify the look of my future wedding band. I came in with a design I really loved, and as we were confirming everything, she made a suggestion like, "I think it would be a lot prettier if..." Now, my normal tendency is to go with it. I mean, she said she thought it would be prettier. Who am I to argue with the expert?! But then I felt my back constricting. It's as though my body was poking me (really intensely) in the center of the spine to be like, "uh, are you for real right now?!" I realized if I took my usual path of least resistance and went with the flow to avoid being a pain in her ass, I'd end up with a ring that didn't feel right. Every time I'd look at it, I'd remember how I really wanted it to look like X, but I was talked into making it look like Y. And this isn't some random ring that comes and goes with the style—this is supposed to be something I have for the rest of my life! So after a few minutes I said, "Actually, can we revisit this one part? If it's alright with you I'd actually like to do it this way." And sure enough, my back took a breather. I'm telling you, your body is on your side. Listen to it.