Happy First, Healthy Second
How many times have you told yourself, “I’ll be happy when…”? Probably more than you can count. I mean hell, it’s the premise of the American Dream! Get into college, get a job, buy a car, get married, buy a house, have kids, keep up with the Joneses. All of these traditional milestones are meant to bring happiness. And it’s true that many of them (excluding the last one) can bring joy. But long-term happiness? No. The mere ability to acquire something or reach a goal will not bring long-term happiness. It does work backwards, though!: Happiness CAN help you ACHIEVE your goals—and enjoy them for longer. Here’s how it works: when you’re happy, you respect yourself. You feel like you deserve to not only reach your goal, but you deserve to put in the work to get there.
you deserve to study hard because you deserve to be smart
you deserve to exercise at full intensity because you deserve to be strong
you deserve to WORK in order to achieve—because you DESERVE the success.
See where I’m going here? Do you see how groundbreaking this is?
The other day I was in a pilates class and it was KILLING me. Like shaking, trembling, horrible-pain-all-over killing me. Once upon a time, my brain would have been like, “girl, just do the bare minimum to get by, you’re just not strong enough for this crap.” But something magical kicked in this time around—my brain was like, “PUSH IT, GIRL! YOU DESERVE TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO GET STRONG!!”
I was legitimately shocked by my own internal voice. Where did she come from?! It had been a VERY long time since I’d attempted a workout this hard, so I hadn’t really tapped into her before. But she was a true reflection of all the work I’ve put into mastering my own happiness. And it felt UH-MAZING. I can’t wait to go back and do it again, sore as my poor muscles are.
We tell ourselves that we have to be healthy in order to find happiness but it’s actually the other way around.
The true health benefits are a RESULT. I know what you’re thinking, “but Killian, what about all of those people who lose a bunch of weight and send their photos into fitness testimonials? They’re always raving about how happy they are now!”
Great point—let’s take that a step further then. What happens beyond the testimonial, when they get back to their houses and families and regular day-to-day, after the high of their weight-loss achievement wears off? Oh, you don’t know? Exactly. We don’t follow them back to their regular lives, so we just assume they remain in a constant state of bliss for the rest of eternity. But guess what? There are countless studies out there suggesting that most people who lose weight—especially quickly—gain it back. And for those who keep it off, we have no way to know if their state of happiness perpetuates forever. My point here is that people who go into weight-loss feeling like it will bring them eternal happiness tend to fall back into their less-than-blissful state at some point after their goal is reached, whether the weight returns or not.Think about all the women you hear about who starve themselves for the sake of getting that perfect figure—are they happy when they reach their goal weight? No. So they come up with another goal thinking THAT’s going to achieve happiness. And again and again until these poor humans are wasting away, a shell of their former selves and more miserable than ever.
Now think of that friend you have who lost weight slowly, over time. He or she probably contributes that weight loss to a ‘lifestyle change,’ right? Next time you see that friend, ask if the lifestyle change included a personality revamp. How did his or her personality change through the process? My guess is they’ll say something like, “Come to think of it, the more I treated my body with respect by feeding it healthfully and exercising regularly, the better I felt—and that’s what kept me going.” They might even add, “I could lose a few more maybe, but I like where I’m at.” Wouldn’t that be mind-boggling? They’re happy with where they’re at… even though it’s not their goal weight?! Wut.
Notice the phrase I boldened above because so many successful dieters use it: I treated my body with respect.
Treating yourself with respect is the first step toward happiness. It’s a mental game. When you come from a place of self-respect, you win. When you come from a place of “I’ll-be-happy-when,” you lose EVERY time.I’ve been using ‘weight’ as an example here because it’s such a common life goal, but the same can be applied to SO many things in life. If we aren’t happy with who we are, we aren’t going to be happy with the goals we set for ourselves, be it in career, school, or in relationships. It’s time to start thinking this way: Happiness comes first. And all that it really means for now is: self-respect comes first. Learning to be kind to yourself may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life because so many of us have established such terrible habits of self-deprecation and self-judgement. We have to break those habits, and that takes work. But it will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself. And I am determined to help you get there. Happiness is just a byproduct of self-love and merely a precursor to great success.