Putting Yourself Out There is as Terrifying as it is Important

The other night I had an incredible dream. Okay, that's a huge buildup because I don't actually remember most of it—just this one TINY bit that happened moments before I woke up. I was being visited by a skunk. YEP, a skunk. And she was standing on her head. I woke up like a kid on Christmas. NOT EVEN KIDDING. I was so excited that this beautiful little skunk was doing a handstand for me in my dream. You know why? Because the 'skunk' is one of my power animals and I've never before had one come to me in a dream. I've had other power animals come to me—horses, wolves, a jaguar, a snake... but never a little skunk. This was big. Here's what it means:

First, Medicine Cards

I believe that people are multifaceted. I also believe that the Earth is vitally and intrinsically connected to all of us—it lives and breathes within us. I think that animals are incredible living symbols that represent the many facets of our personalities. When they appear to us in dreams—and even in real life—they're nodding to the part of ourselves that they connect with. It's like they're winking at us, you know? Like, "hey, sup buddy, just wanted you to know to pay attention to this thing in your life that I represent." Power animals are those that are in your personal totem (you have nine of them) and represent specific pieces of your personality and life goals. This planet is a gift and it's filled with living energy—all of which we are connected to.

Now, About That Skunk

Skunks are representatives of "REPUTATION." It makes sense when you think about it—if a skunk walked into your house, its reputation would precede it, right? Medicine Cards, a book dedicated to this subject, explains it best:

"Unlike other predatory animals, Skunk does not threaten your life but threatens your senses. [...] In observing the habits of Skunk, it's easy to notice the playfulness and nonchalance of its natural behavior. The 'I-dare-you' attitude commands you to respect its space by mere reputation alone."

So, in short, the skunk reminds us to walk our talk and embrace our self-esteem. Only then will your reputation be honored.

But wait! Why did the skunk show up doing handstands?!

So in traditional medicine cards, if an animal appears upside down, it's an indication that this part of yourself is out of balance. When I dove into what the skunk represented in the 'contrary,' my jaw dropped. "Your self-esteem may seem to others as if you are putting on airs. Observe whether or not you are repelling others because of envy, jealousy, or a projection of their low self-esteem. Right the situation by assuming the attitude of Skunk; nonchalance. In assuming nonchalance, you are neutralizing the effect of leaking energy."

Here's how it all circles back to the title of this post.

This resonated with me SO DEEPLY because for the last few weeks, while trying to get this blog off the ground, I've been battling my desire to be authentic with my fear of everyone rolling their eyes at me. Literally every time I posted something on the blog or on instagram, I'd envision someone I knew scoffing at it. I thought of them saying something like, "Ugh, I can't believe she's trying to be another one of those lifestyle bloggers." EYE ROLL. "Does she actually think she's going to get anywhere with this?" EYE ROLL. "Who died and made her feel like an expert on this stuff?" EYE ROLL. "Wow, I never realized how lame she was until now." EYE ROLL. AND SO ON AND SO ON. Literally every time I posted, I made the assumption that someone out there was judging me harshly. And it effected how I wrote and what I wrote about. I'd second guess myself at every corner. I'd do my best to be authentic, but without stepping over boundaries. I did my best to be myself, but without "offending" anyone. I was trying to please everyone and anyone while somehow managing to be my truest self. It's an impossible battle.

You have to be yourself FIRST.

I haven't been OWNING my life recently. I haven't been OWNING my identity. I haven't been owning my power, my self-esteem, or my vision. I've been "leaking energy," giving it away to everyone else—people I don't even know. And you know what? It's been throwing me into a tailspin.

Do YOU feel like you have ownership over your life right now? I think this process is normal when you are first starting to put yourself out there, consistently, in a vulnerable way. You're leaving yourself out in the open to be judged and analyzed and sized-up. It's natural to worry it's all going to lean in the wrong direction. If I'm going to do this thing right, I've got to do it on my terms.

I started this blog because I am driven by a deep, unyielding desire to encourage people to heal their hearts. If I happen to be a little weird sometimes in my pursuit of that, so be it. I am kind of a weirdo. And I wouldn't give that up for anything. It's what makes me feel most alive.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly.

Living life on your own terms is terrifying. People might stare. People might roll their eyes. You might feel accosted or shamed or lonely. When that happens, remember the skunk. You can call on her energy and breathe it in. Own the room. Know that you have the power to be every ounce of who you are without fear—because if people come at you with negative energy, you have the power to repel it. You have the power to be uniquely YOU. Embrace that. It's terrifying. But it's so important. Because it will fill you up to levels you didn't even think possible.

I'm so grateful to my little skunk. I'm so grateful that she came into my dream and danced for me. I'm grateful that she whispered her message and I'm especially grateful that I was able to receive it. I'm looking forward to opening my heart in even deeper and more terrifying ways to celebrate this pursuit of joy. Keep it skunky, kids. ✌️😘