Day 3: The Intuitive Eating Adventure
Alright, by now you know the drill. My play-by-play is on top, but if you scroll down you can get a summary of my takeaways. Do as you please!
9am:
Made some coffee (come to think of it, I don't really ask my body if it wants coffee, but I'm too attached to the ritual, so... uh.. I'm going to assume it always does). While the kettle was heating up, I noticed that empty-stomach feeling. I wanted something refreshing... simple, light. So I cut up some strawberries, sat down at my computer, and over the course of an HOUR I ate less than a cup of berries and sipped my coffee. That's got to set a record for some slow-ass eating. By 10am, I was feeling satiated. I think. Actually, I feel like my stomach might be a bottomless pit in that it's always like "eh, sure, I could eat." But I tend not to do anything about it until it's really starting to rumble. Is that a problem? Should I be eating more? I wonder this to myself as I edit-and-publish yesterday's post. Maybe part of picking up on cues is recognizing hunger before it strikes? Is that why I have such a hard time losing weight when I'm trying to? Oh wait, this is supposed to be body-positive.
Quick aside about my current relationship with my body:
I have to admit, this morning I was feeling really down on my bod. It's not that I don't try to love on where I am at any given moment. I try to avoid fat-shaming myself. And, you know, I recognize I have a very healthy body and that brings me a lot of gratitude. But where I struggle with my body is that I feel like I don't fully understand it. I think that when people are really good at knowing their bodies, they know exactly what to do to get it to lose a few pounds or gain muscle or whatever. I have never had a problem gaining muscle, but I have never been able to master the art of burning fat. And I feel like I've done it all. Running, expensive fitness classes, Whole30, paleo, etc. I've had some luck with all of it, but nothing has ever clicked as this "aha... this is a fail safe way to reach that goal if ever I need to execute it." There is a sense of safety, understanding, and comfort in knowing that you can change your body (it is a flexible, fluid being, after all) at will. I can sit in the form that I'm currently in and know that it's a choice to be here, now. I only wish I knew the roadmap toward fat loss for my body. Everything else seems to fall into place so easily. So I just felt like expressing that. I wonder if that feeling isn't an underlying reason so many of us struggle with our bodies. It's not about not appreciating them, it's about feeling utterly disconnected to them. Maybe this intuitive eating thing will help me feel connected, maybe it won't. But it's worth putting it out there to all of you that this is at the core of why I'm trying this out. Can I learn a little more about what it needs—can I learn to respect it better for where it's at? And does it even know what's best for it?
11:45am:
Had a quick kombucha beverage before scooting off to yoga (oops no time to eat! But I wasn't that hungry...)
12:30pm:
Yoga. Feel pretty lucky that I can walk to a studio on a lunch break. The only downside is that it makes it more difficult to actually eat lunch.
1:45pm:
After class I walk by my favorite coffee shop. I mean, I can't NOT go in. I order a decaf almond milk latte, iced. It ties me over as I walk home, wondering what on Earth I have to eat at home.
3:15pm:
Chickpea Dish
My stomach is like, "girl, get your shit together and feed me something real." This is my pattern! Being on top of eating is just pure torture for me. I need someone to just magically cook all of my food for me, for free. That can't be too much to ask. I sift through my pantry. Um... okay... what food group am I feeling? Yesterday's lunch would have been an amazing repeat but I didn't feel like spending $16 on lunch again. How can I semi-recreate it? I spot some chickpeas. A lightbulb: I've got kale in the fridge and some cauliflower that's about to go bad. Let's do this thing. I crack open that can of chickpeas, rinse them, blot them dry, drop 'em on some tinfoil, and put them in the broiler for a quick toasting. (It makes them crispy on the outside, softer on the inside). Then I sauté the cauliflower with some seasoning (garlic, onion powder, cayenne, oregano) and when it's soft, I add the kale just to warm it up a little bit. When the kale starts to heat up, I sprinkle it all with the chickpeas. Within 15 minutes I'm eating. Gotta admit, it was a pretty decent impromptu meal. And super filling.
7pm:
Realizing it was probably a good time to eat dinner so that I didn't wait until I was starving (I'm learning!) I was feeling protein. And, considering I hadn't had much of it all day, it makes sense. Scrambled eggs for dinner it is!
8pm: The Ice Cream Conundrum
My neighborhood has an Art Walk once every few months and tonight was the night! I walked down with a friend and toyed with the idea of snagging a few tacos at the truck—but upon checking in with myself I realized I wasn't really jonesing for more protein, so I held off. That said! I DID have the sudden desire to get ice cream. I thought this was kind of funny because I legitimately have not been craving sugary sweets of any kind, so I did a quick internal interrogation: do you really want this because you feel like it will nourish you? or do you just want the taste? Not going to lie, asking that question only made the craving for ice cream that much stronger. It was as if my inner child was jumping up and down chanting, "nourish! nourish! nourish!" So I figured, what the hell? This whole experiment has been about giving my body what it's asking for. Who am I to deprive my body of something just because I don't consider it healthy enough? This isn't about getting skinny, this is about feeding your body what it asks for because you trust it to regulate what it needs. So I went for TWO SCOOPS of dairy-free ice cream. Because GO BIG OR GO HOME. If my body wanted ice cream, IT WAS GETTING ICE CREAM. That's another thing: I enjoy the taste of dairy, but it makes me (1) break out in a bad way and (2) get weird stomach aches. So I avoid it 90% of the time. My dairy cravings (CHEESE) were VERY HARD TO BREAK. I still indulge in cheese from time to time because it is delightful. I just know the aftermath is going to suck a little bit. So I wasn't sure, walking into Sweet Lucie's, if my body was going to ask for the dairy stuff or the vegan option. Surprisingly, it was the latter. I didn't even LOOK at the dairy options. They actually turned me off, which caught me totally off guard. Usually I choose the vegan option while pining over the dairy flavors. But not tonight! It's as though whatever part of me was asking for the ice cream knew I had a limit—the sugar it could handle, the dairy it could not. And it felt really empowering to make that choice because I WANTED to, not because I felt like I "should." I savored that ice cream like never before. Normally I house the stuff. But this felt special, like my body was actually gifting myself this moment. Is this what mindful eating feels like?? By the time I was half-way through I was like, "eh, I could have stopped at one scoop. But this is pretty awesome." And it was pretty awesome not to feel any guilt in the aftermath.
Here's what I actually ate today:
9am: coffee and strawberries 11:45am: kombucha drink 1:45pm: decaf latte with almond milk 3:30pm: roasted chickpeas, kale, cauliflower 7pm: two eggs, scrambled 8pm: two scoops (aw yeah) of vegan (coconut base) ice cream (and it was so good). Water: forgot to count, but I think it was close to 70 ounces!
Takeaways:
My body doesn't actually crave sugar as often as I've expected—so when it does, it's okay to indulge.
Mindful eating is about savoring what you have, when you have it.
Not feeling guilt about an "unhealthy" food is THE. BEST. FEELING. EVER.
I'm super impressed (and surprised) that 90% of the time, when I ask my body what it REALLY wants, it leans toward a nourishing, nutrient rich food, rather than empty calories.
Sometimes you can't have exactly what the body is "asking" for, and in those moments it's okay to improvise with foods that are similar in nature to what you're craving. You don't have to be perfect.
I'm pretty decent at whipping up an impromptu lunch with limited ingredients.
I'm really starting to understand that what is most important to me is being in touch with when I'm hungry, and when I'm full.
Intuitive eating has helped me differentiate between the boredom munchies and actual hunger. I used to eat mindlessly ALL the time. I've noticed I'm no longer snacking for snacking's sake—I'm only really eating when I'm hungry, which is often enough to make me feel like I'm eating throughout the day.
I'm starting to trust that maybe, just maybe, my body DOES know what it needs. And maybe it's not as much food as I thought? It doesn't seem like a lot of food on paper but I DO feel full after each sitting.
See you tomorrow!