who do you lean on? (and why isn't it yourself?)
Hello again! I've been absent over the last couple weeks as I prepare for baby and want to let you know that I will be taking maternity leave from this newsletter for the next couple of months.
Thankfully you've got access to all the email archives so feel free to poke through them when you need a self-connection boost or a reminder on how to speak to your needs.
For now I want to leave you with a simple challenge you can practice while I'm gone: notice when you're leaning too heavily on other people for guidance vs. tuning in to your own.
your intuition is: embodied wisdom
There was a time (like, I don't know, all of my 20s?) where I only wanted answers from outside sources. I just wanted someone else to tell me: how to be happy, what path to follow, who I was meant to be. And hey, looking to other people for answers is natural. It's how we come into the world: asking questions, seeking guidance.
Unfortunately, it's rare that we're taught to transition from a 'need guidance from others' mindset to one of 'discerning the answers for ourselves.' Even school, which attempts to teach students to think critically and for themselves, operates under a system of, "...but somebody will always know better than you."
So it makes sense that most people opt out of doing the work. It's a lot easier to be told.
But simply being told strips you of your BS-meter.
And that is where your intuition thrives.
Your intuition is still a bit mysterious, but neuroscientists believe it's connected to the right hemisphere of your brain as well as the hippocampus and it's recently been touted as an essential part of your gut-brain axis.
The way I define intuition is that it alerts you to whether or not an experience is serving you.
Unlike ego, which seeks to protect you by telling you stories (ie. using words), scientists agree the intuition is a gut-hit. It's fast, fleeting, and doesn't rationalize. It's simply a feeling. And because it doesn't use rationalization to justify itself, it's often right.
"Is this person telling me the truth?"
"Do they have my best interests at heart?"
"Is this job going to meet my needs?"
"Is this dark alley safe?"
Your intuition works so fast, it doesn't even have time to ask these questions. It just gives you the answers. "Turn left. Now."
Seeking guidance from people who are well-versed in a skillset is a wonderful resource to have at your disposal—but when it comes to YOUR life, YOUR livelihood, YOUR happiness, maybe it's time to start fact-checking their advice against your own intuition.
how to: strengthen your intuition
It's easy to mistake intuition with ego. Like I said, they are both looking to protect you. Ego leads with narratives, fear, and stubbornness. It tells you stories and speaks to you in plain english. Intuition leads with nothing. It lives in the body.
My favorite exercise for strengthening intuition is to ask yourself simple decision-making questions you already know the answers to and notice how your body responds to each option.
Example: "what do I want for dinner tonight?"
Give yourself an option you're always down for (that bomb Mexican place) and one you always turn down (that slightly creepy sandwich place).
Close your eyes.
When you think about eating from the Mexican restaurant, what happens in your body? Where do you notice expansion?
When you imagine yourself eating from the sketchy sandwich place, what happens in your body? Where do you feel constriction or tightness?
It might be worth it to write what you feel down so you have a reference. (Some people feel it more in the gut first—over time I've learned that my intuition lives between my shoulder blades, in my throat, and in my gut, depending on the scenario.)
Use this technique on a variety of daily decisions: which pen you want to write with, what street you want to walk down, etc.
After a while, you'll start to notice PATTERNS for when your body says "NO, not for me" and "YES, want."
When you feel like you've gotten a feel for your body's intuitive language, start asking yourself more difficult questions—ones you don't really know the answers to ahead-of-time. Notice how your body reacts. Do any new sensations come up?
Then, when you're REALLY ready to level-up: tap into your body when you meet new people or read an article or watch someone talk on social media. And start asking yourself questions like "is this person's energy serving me?" or "does this information feel biased?"
When you learn to tap into your intuition on a regular basis, it not only helps you make more self-serving decisions for yourself, it also helps you navigate what is authentic and life-serving for you in the world outside of yourself.
Just remember...when you start to bring 'outside' world stuff into your intuition exercises: if your brain starts rationalizing your feelings through words, it could very well be your EGO in 'judgment' mode... your intuition is strictly embodied. If you're watching a TedTalk and you're like, "I don't like this guy's hair—he's a liar" ...um, that's not your intuition talking. That's your ego's fierce judgment story about a person's hair equating to honesty and maybe something worth looking into?
But my point is: stick to the body—notice what you feel and let it guide you. When words arise, you're no longer in your body.
Your body will not lead you astray.