What Is Conscious Connection?

It is a commitment to ‘awareness’ and ‘acceptance’. And it is at the root of all my journeys and one-on-one sessions.

It’s that simple. If you can cradle your growth through this lens, you will surpass your greatest expectations.

Why?

Any psychologist will tell you that bringing ‘awareness’ to your behavior is the first step toward creating any kind of zen / balance in your life. And it’s kind of magical, how it works: naming your feelings when they’re uncomfortable greatly decreases the discomfort, whereas naming them when you feel good greatly enhances that feel-good space. It’s like a verbal adaptogen! It works in your favor no matter how the scales are tipped.

Kick this up a notch by drawing awareness to your needs, too, which let you know why you’re feeling a certain way. Uncomfortable feelings means there’s a need that’s not being met, whereas good feelings indicate met needs. Having this insight into your needs is basically like finding a treasure map: now you know what you literally need to feel good again.

Why ‘acceptance,’ then?

There is great power in permission. Allowing things to ‘be’ relieves you of personal responsibility, as well as your sense of control. It’s this relief that soothes your brain and stops it from spiraling into hyper-vigilance or self-blame.

Isn’t it a relief when your best friend accepts who you are despite your quirks? I know it’s harder to accept all the parts of yourself that your friends do, but you don’t want to have to rely on outside validation for your self-worth. Practicing acceptance teaches you how to hold space for yourself the way you wish the rest of the world could.

ALLOW yourself to feel what you feel. ALLOW yourself to need what you need. “It is what it is! And it’s okay!”

Once you master the art of awareness and acceptance, you’ll start to notice yourself upleveling at lightening speed.

Cultivate Conscious Connection, Step-by-step:

  1. CURIOSITY

  2. AWARENESS

  3. ACCEPTANCE

  4. SURRENDER

1. When walking through a trigger, your greatest ally is curiosity. Treat whatever you’re going through as though you’re some kind of mad scientist, trying to assess what’s at the CORE of your quandary: this helps you dissociate from the discomfort just enough to truly get to the bottom of it.

2. Write down what you are FEELING and what NEEDS are alive for you. Use the feelings and needs lists below to assess. DO NOT SKIP this step. Needs and wants are very different things, so you’ll want to make sure you’re pulling from the needs list:

needs-thumb.png

3. Once you’ve named your feelings and needs, take note of how those SIT with you. What does it feel like in your body to have those needs and those feelings? If you are noticing signs of relief (opening in the chest, feeling melty and good), this is a sign of acceptance. You accept how you feel. Great, move on to step 4!

But what if you’re noticing any tightness, resistance, or shame? Never fear! This is also normal. I’d like you to close your eyes and lean into the discomfort a little bit. Where does it feel uncomfortable in your body? Does this feeling move at all? Is it stationary? How does it feel like it’s threatening your livelihood, if at all? How long does it linger? Just notice. See if you can accept how it feels within your body. This is what we call ‘holding space.’ Just allow it to be. “It is what it is! And that’s okay.” Use that mantra if you need to, say it out loud: it is what it is. and that’s okay.

Once you start to feel yourself softening, once you start to feel the relief that acceptance brings, move on to step 4.

4. Surrender. This is sort of advanced, but the gist is trust. It’s the act of acknowledging that not only is it “okay” to feel the way you feel, but that it will not be the way you feel forever. Feelings are fluid. They move.

Trust that you have (or will find) the tools to move through this with grace, to not let this hold you down or block you on the road to achieving your goals. Trust that the powers that be—whether your faith lies in science or the spiritual—will not let you suffer so long as you ask for the guidance you need. Trust that the acceptance you’ve just learned to cultivate can be applied to a much broader scope. You can trust yourself to hold space for your feelings, your needs, your process, for as long as it takes.

Trust in your mind, body, and spirit’s ability to heal. And then let go.