In the search for light, you sometimes have to dig deep into the dark

I've had a few sort of serendipitous conversations with friends over the last few weeks—conversations that feel purposeful and fated. I'm sure you've been there. But what I loved about these spontaneous conversations is that there's been a common through line, even though these particular friends have never met each other. It seems to be on everyone's mind in my life these days. And it's darkness.

Specifically: our unwillingness to enter it and the conflicting reality that entering it is the only way to brighten it up. When I first developed The Heart of Happy, I immediately landed on the logo of a heart with x'd out eyes. In cartoons, it's the universal symbol for, "oh god, something terrible just happened to that character." That was purposeful.

I wanted my logo to symbolize the light (heart) and the dark (eyes) that is one has to fully embrace before finding peace, joy, happiness, meaning—whatever you want to call it. I have always been attracted to juxtaposition in storytelling. I love when evil characters are softened by carrying out a kind or loving act. I love when good characters lose themselves for a moment in a dark place. Because those moments are the most relatable and true, right? The more I grow, the more I learn about people and the strange, horrible, and even wonderful things that happen in the world, the more I come to realize: There is no absolute evil and there is no absolute good. There is just this ever-conflicting balance of energy. And that energy works TOGETHER in an effort to move us forward. That last line might sound a little wacky at first, but hear me out: I listen to a podcast called The One You Feed and it's centered on the following parable:

A grandfather is talking with his grandson and says, "there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.

One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery, and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear."

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second. Then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

The grandfather quietly replies, "the one you feed."

Beautiful, right? I love this podcast because they open every episode with this parable and the guest has to speak about what it means to them. Some guests talk about how "literal" it is in the sense that we are all driven by good and/or evil and must constantly choose which "wolf" to feed. Others talk about it in how it relates to their own research or work. But once in a while a guest will say, "You know, I feel for the bad wolf because the it deserves to be heard, too." I love those guests! They have some of the most compelling things to say.

To starve the bad wolf is to ignore a side of yourself that EXISTS. To face the wolf, though, to talk to it and to show it compassion—that's the most effective way to curb its taste for blood. Of course we don't want to be ruled by greed or hatred or fear, but in shunning the bad wolf, that's precisely what we're doing—acting out of hatred and fear.

It's a pretty crazy paradigm, right? To believe there are two extremes within us and that one is "good" and the other is "bad" inadvertently feeds the bad self.

To acknowledge that your bad wolf exists and that IT IS OKAY that it exists—that's how to feed it adequately and with love. It's okay that you have greed-based thoughts. Acknowledging them doesn't mean you'll act on them. Acknowledging them is the single most effective way to ensure they don't become too powerful. If you ignore that they exist, you'll be more likely to accidentally succumb to them. You don't need to kill the bad wolf. Because it can't die. It will only starve and fester and get more feral. By acknowledging it, you subdue its desire to devour you whole. In doing this, you are simultaneously feeding the good wolf, too. Because you are acting out of love! When the good wolf is allowed to work TOGETHER with the bad wolf, you are able to learn SO MUCH MORE about who you are and how to tackle life's greatest obstacles. These two can work in tandem.

The good wolf may be stronger and more well-fed, but the bad will also be strong in its ability to help you empathize with pain, show compassion in dark spaces, and to bring more fire your bravery. Where else can you learn to be so fierce?! That's what I believe, anyway. And it's served me to embrace the darker sides of myself without judgement. It has led to my greatest epiphanies and acts of self-love. It has led to my most intense moments of joy. Embracing the parts of myself that I may have otherwise shunned or hated or been ashamed of has led to my best, and I'd say longest lasting, growth. Sometimes I feel greedy. Sometimes I feel hate. Sometimes I act out of fear. These are not moments that I am proud of, but they are moments I need to acknowledge with compassion and, at the very least, face. It's what forgiveness is all about, right? You can't forgive something if you don't know it's there.

Go there.

It's hard to enter the dark spaces of our pasts, our thoughts, and our lives. And IT'S OKAY THAT IT'S HARD. It's okay to be afraid of it, too. I am. I don't always like walking through the dark thoughts as they creep into frame. I don't like admitting that I have weaknesses or flaws or reviewing my failures. I don't like feeling small or weak. I don't like inviting myself into the dark—I am deathly afraid that by doing so I'll accidentally invite more of it into my life. But it's important to me to push myself to go there. For all the reasons I've listed above, but also to prove to myself that I can. And the safety blanket I bring with me is the simple sentiment, "it's okay." When I recount a painful scenario, I remind myself that it's okay that it happened—whether it happened TO me or BECAUSE of me. And I remind myself that I'm okay because my higher conscience has my back. My good wolf has my back. Your good wolf has your back, too. If you're not someone who likes to confront dark feelings or memories, that's okay. But when you arm yourself with love, compassion, and the simple phrase, "it's okay," I promise you'll reap the benefits sooner than you'd ever expect. ✨

Go There.