Happiness is a Clean Room—And Courage is the Catalyst that Makes You Clean It
Happiness is a clean room
You know that feeling when you're finally getting around to reorganizing a room, and as you start to move things around to make space for whatever you're planning, you suddenly find yourself in the middle of what looks like the aftermath of an explosion?
That's how it works with happiness, too.
Think of happiness as a clean room. A clean room isn't so exciting that it makes you jump up and down like a kid on Christmas, but it's serene, peaceful, and inviting. It's warm, it's calm, it makes you want to breath it in and hold onto it for as long as you can. We all want to feel that feeling. All day, any day—that's the good stuff. The problem is that in order to GET to there—in order to enjoy the clean room—we have to confront the mess. We have to rearrange the furniture, let go of the old "stuff" that no longer serves us, and dust the dark corners we forgot existed.
It's exhausting. But we do it because we understand how cleaning a room works. We understand that if we want a clean space, we have to confront the mess.
Some folks are weirdly into cleaning stuff. I respect those folks, but I also secretly judge them for what they are: masochists. I like the IDEA of cleaning stuff out, but often find myself staring at a 10 year-old wallet that's been stuffed in the back of a drawer ACTUALLY WONDERING if it's worth keeping because so-and-so bought it for me in another country and somehow that makes the value of this thing I never use SO GREAT that I would absolutely be "stabbing so-and-so in the back" if I tossed it. Like all things, you get better with practice. I'm getting better at keeping my spaces minimal. (thank you, Marie Kondo—I know a lot of players like to hate, but you changed my life.) It took practice. It is still hard. I still get overwhelmed. And it's only effective when I've built-up the COJONES to toss the stuff that no longer serves me—even if it hurts so-and-so's feelings (which it probably won't).
Courage is the catalyst.
I started with the easy stuff and eventually made it to the next level. Courage. And practice. Sidenote: I have not yet thrown away that 10 year-old wallet. (maybe this weekend?)
Here's the thing: though facing my LITERAL baggage is my own personal nightmare, I LOVE LOVE LOVE confronting my emotional baggage.
When it comes to cleaning out my feelings, I am the masochist. Cleaning out my drawers? No. Jumping out of planes on the regular? Nah. Cage-fighting? No thanks. Being sent off to war? Nope, can't handle it! Becoming a veterinarian so I can save puppies' lives? Nope, WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE watching puppies suffer! Oh, but, diving deep inside my feelings in search of the ones that hurt me the VERY MOST? NO PROBLEM! Love it. Crave it. Need it. Tell me all the things that are wrong with me!! Remind me of all the ways I've been hurt! I just need another hit, you know? I mean, if I have one super-power in this life, it's the weird ability to visit the deep, painful places in my mind. My parents are probably like, "ugh, why?!" because I'm constantly calling them up to be like, "OH HEY! Amazing news! I just uncovered ANOTHER deep wound that you created! Don't worry, we're cool. I'm, like, super relieved that I discovered it. Phew! No, like, don't worry about it, really. It feels better just acknowledging that it's there. I just wanted you to know. KLOVEYOUBYYEEE!" (My inner child is relentless in her pursuit for vengeance.) You don't have to get as crazy as I do about this stuff to be happy. And in seriousness, I never thought of it as "courageous." I just did what I felt I needed to do get to that cleaner room. And it's not always fun. There are a lot of memories I still avoid. (just ask my husband). There are a lot of feelings I don't like traveling to. (again with the husband thing). But I do it, bit by bit, because I know the after-effects are worth it.
I'm in it for the rush.
The feel-good intensity that consumes your body when you pinpoint the root of a feeling that has been taking control of you without your knowledge is MIND-BLOWING. It's like catching Pokemon—if the Pokemon were feelings and memories and somehow tied to your overall capacity for joy in this lifetime. (Simple stuff, really.) I do it because every new breakthrough gets me to a higher plane—a higher vibration, if you want to call it that. It feels like each time I confront something painful—every time I look it in the face and say, "come at me, bro, I'm ready to heal your sorry ass"—I reach a new level of happiness in my life. It's the same reason people like Marie Kondo go into business cleaning out OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF (gross). It's the same reason people sky dive. It's the same reason people crave the thrill of dangerous jobs or hobbies. It's a rush.
But fun fact about 'rushes'—the only reason your adrenaline kicks in is because whatever you were doing was fucking SCARY!
We ALL collect a lot of emotional baggage throughout our lives. Every experience you have sticks with you. And sometimes the sticky stuff is hard to get off. (the stickiest experiences are the ones we try the hardest to forget). But I can tell you, from experience, it is SO worth it to try to peel off those layers.
And you have what it takes to do it.
Think of ALL the ways you've shown courage in your lifetime. You've faced off against SO many obstacles—and you've done it by accessing your courage. With happiness, all you're doing is facing off with yourself—and the best part about facing off against yourself is that, finally, your opponent is on your side! It just doesn't feel that way at first.
But courage is the catalyst.
And I know you have it in you. So get out there, and clean your room! ⚡️