Self-Love in the Face of Self-Doubt
When I was little and experiencing self-doubt, my mom would tell me about these little gremlins—or 'doubt-monsters' as I like to call them—that live inside our heads. Their sole purpose is to whisper mean things to bring us down—they grow stronger when we're weak. Some kids might find this horrifying, but I LOVED it. I loved that there was a terrifying little creature running around my brain trying to sabotage everything I held dear. BRING IT ON, DOUBT-MONSTER. I loved it so much that years later I illustrated a portrait of what my doubt-monster looked like. Isn't he cute?!
We all have adorable little doubt-monsters wreaking havoc on our hopes and dreams.
We all have inner voices that are desperately trying to stop us from taking action. But see, the doubt-monster operates out of fear. For the doubt-monster, life outside of the status quo is terrifying. It will do everything it can to keep you from making progress. I'm not kidding: it will stop at nothing. And when we cave to the doubt-monster's demands, when we start to believe the "you don't have the chops" and the "no one will take you seriously," we become fearful, too. We become less equipped to see ourselves as we are. Instead, we see the second-rate version of ourselves. Because being deficient or defective in some way guarantees inaction. If you have hopes and dreams, but you're facing crippling self-doubt, you're under the spell of your own dubious little brain-barbarian.
There's good news, though: doubt-monsters are INSANELY SIMPLE to defeat.
It's a two-parter, but when practiced often and used together it's an extremely effective way to tell that smug little rascal off. Eventually he'll find a quiet place to burrow in one of the dark recesses of your brain. That, or you'll get so good at telling him off you won't even notice his efforts to dissuade you.
ONE: CONFRONT THE LITTLE BASTARD
You know how if you're having a bad dream, you're supposed to look your antagonist in the face and say, "I know you're a dream, so you can go away now!" in order to get it to disappear? Well, as it turns out, this is just a SUPER FUN game the brain likes to play in general! Fact: when we're feeling difficult emotions, simply naming them (or saying them out loud) can reduce their hold on us. The same theory applies to the bad-dream scenario above—and the same theory applies to Mr. Doubtmonster. Simply confronting your doubt can be enough to nullify it. It can be as simple as, "This story I'm telling myself—that other people are going to roll their eyes at me when I tell them I want to start my own business—is just my own self-doubt trying to get in the way." OR it can be as playful as, "Aha! You thought you had me, doubt-monster, when you said I'd suck at learning sheet music, but you are wrong!" I prefer the latter, but that's just me. (Live a little, is all I'm saying.)
TWO: EXERCISE SELF-LOVE
Here's that self-love twist you've been waiting for! The doubt-monster HATES self-love. It's his greatest enemy: the more you exercise that muscle, the smaller the doubt-monster feels. The inverse is also true: when doubt-monster is feeling strong, you're probably teetering way low on your self-love levels. And remember, self-love isn't about falling in love with yourself. Self-love is about learning how to validate who you are, recognizing what you need, and offering yourself the support to fulfill those needs. We aren't perfect, but we each have amazing talents, traits, and energies to offer. Nurture what you bring to the table. Tomorrow I'll talk a little more about the exercises that can help fan your self-love flame. For now, just relish the fact that you now have the key to curbing your own little doubt-monster. You have the power now—take it back.