The Political Mirror

One thing I've noticed is that whenever I fall out of flow on this site, it's because there's some part of my shadow I'm not addressing; something I'm not able to speak to from an authentic place. And lately, my ability to write has been marred by politics.

I have long been conflicted about my place in this conversation. 

On the one hand, I'd like to be able to speak to self-growth without ostracizing anyone. On the other, my self-growth and exploration is becoming more and more intertwined with the politics of today. To ignore that is to deflect from my truth. I can't write from a transparent place if I avoid addressing what's influencing me most.

So I'm going to start embracing politics as it pertains to my growth.

Over the last few months, I've tried to do more listening than talking. The dark shadows of our political system have been surfacing—as is obvious to us all—and I am doing my best to navigate it all without collapsing into overwhelm, and subsequently, indifference.

After the Kavanaugh hearing, I sat back and tried to listen. I listened to the voices of women who felt betrayed by a culture that consistently punishes them for speaking up. I listened to the backlash from conservatives who believed this was some sort of elaborate set-up. I listened to liberals cry out in fear that Kavanaugh would take away women's rights. I listened to moderates skirt around the issue of assault to express explicit concern about his character. There were so many angles to listen to—so many battle cries. Where do I even begin? I asked myself where I landed on Kavanaugh, and the one thing I just couldn't get passed was how triggered I felt watching him speak. This guy is out of his mind.

So I decided to run an experiment: What would happen if I examined my feelings for Kavanaugh the same way I examine my own?

EMBRACING MY POLITICAL SHADOW:

I've referenced Carl Jung's shadow theory a lot because it's a powerful way to get to the bottom of confusing feelings, to embrace radical self-acceptance, and to tap into empathy. And one component of this theory is the concept that WE ARE ALL MIRRORS OF EACH OTHER.

Everyone in your life is a mirror for what you accept or deny within yourself. What you've been taught to shame about yourself, you judge critically in others.

That's all judgement is.

I love this concept because whenever I feel triggered by another human, I get to ask myself: what part of their behavior have I been silently shaming within me? And can I learn to offer that aspect of myself a little bit of tenderness, instead?

Can I offer it space within my wholeness?

This plays out nicely when I get triggered by people I love.

But then I watch the news.

I watch Kavanaugh sit before the Senate and throw the world's most public tantrum. And I am triggered. I am triggered because he's not showing any integrity. And I've been taught that lack of integrity is shameful. He's also accused of lying, bullying, and assault—more things I have been taught are shameful. And while I recognize he's not on trial, so I can't speak to those aspects of his personality with 100% certainty, my reaction to his wild protest about the accusations is skeptical at best. I've witnessed people fly off the handle denying allegations I've known were real, so I'm projecting that onto Kavanaugh. I recognize it's a projection. Regardless, his behavior makes my blood boil.

Let's walk this through my shadow:

First I identify what, exactly, is triggering me.

In this case, it's Kavanaugh's outburst, or what I interpret as a lack of integrity.

Second, I have to acknowledge that I have the capacity to be like Brett. 

I know: gross.

But look, if I grew up as a white male in an environment that applauded bullying, lying, treating women like dirt, and that validated my tantrums as constructive methods of communication, it is, in all likelihood, very possible that I would adopt some of these traits. I am human. I am, at my root, capable of embodying the entire spectrum of 'right' and 'wrong.' We all are. The only reason I haven't become like Brett is because I've lived through a different story. I've been taught to shame the parts of myself that mirror who he is.

Next, I honor the shame.

Shame was constructed to protect us. The idea is that if humanity works within a certain 'code of conduct,' we'll all be safer. Of course, that code of conduct has become dangerously complex, but we've got to remember that at its core, it's attempting to keep us safe. So as I take ownership of the woman inside of me who is capable of acting from a place of zero integrity, I recognize that the shame I carry around lying, bullying, cheating, etc, has worked in my favor. Because of it, I've learned to value integrity. And that has served me well.

But if I want to fully integrate this shame, I have to explore how the part of me that lacks integrity might actually serve me, too.

In order to allow her space inside my psyche without shame, I have to imagine a world in which she might actually come to my aid. This is the hard part. This is where I feel the most resistance. Nobody really wants to admit that the part of themselves they've spent their whole life trying to keep down might actually kind of maybe be good. So I start with an extreme example: If I were being kidnapped, I'd want to call on my darkest, most ratchet self to throw ALL integrity out the window to lie, cheat, and steal my way out of there. This opens the door to allow me to believe that there is a circumstance in which she has value.

Kavanaugh's scenario is not one in which I'd ask my non-integrity self to come play. But I have to admit to myself, for the sake of this exercise, that she has a place. She has a purpose. Only then can I offer her space within my wholeness.

I invite her into my consciousness. Her existence is nothing to be ashamed of. We can work together, she and I. In the right place, at the right time, I can call on her. Until then, she can chill patiently in my psyche without discourse.

Then, I return to Kavanaugh.

How do I feel about him now? I don't want to say I feel 'at ease' about his position of leadership, but I do feel something shift. I am able to see him as human—flawed, and the product of an environment I don't value, but human.

And why should I offer him that decency? 

Admittedly, I struggle with this. It's easier to stay angry at him. But the short answer is simply because he is human. Because there's more at stake here than just one man. His position impacts so. many. more. humans than he. And, in what feels perhaps like a counter-intuitive way, that's precisely why I found this exercise valuable.

When I loosen the reigns a bit and stop fixating so much on my distaste for Kavanaugh, I am able to see, more clearly, everything else that matters.

It's not like I had blinders up to the fact that women need a better system to address assault, or that the best way to safeguard our freedoms is to vote for better representatives, but when I focus on what a Grade-A douchebag Kavanaugh is, I have less brain space to focus on how to create a better system. I have less brain space to seek out and support the organizations that are already working to build that system. Spewing judgement at Kavanaugh, as a person, is a waste of my energy. But it's so easy to get caught in that web! It's a hell of a lot easier to throw vitriol at Kavanaugh for exhibiting the traits that trigger me than it is to fix a broken system. So I get stuck in it. I channel all of my energy into talking about what a tool he is. Where could my energy be better spent?

After all this, do I think we should all be working to shatter our political mirrors every single time we get triggered?

Not necessarily. Honestly, I could have jumped to the conclusion that I was wasting energy on Kavanaugh without going through the motions of breaking down my shadow. It's not like I didn't recognize there were more important things to focus on—eventually, I'd return my focus to those important things. But! This process did allow me to actually, fully, wholly subdue his power over me. And that feels empowering, because the last thing we need is for the people who trigger us to live in our consciousness, prodding and poking at us to pay attention to them, when they aren't worth our time.

A modest suggestion: 

As you navigate this political quagmire, take note of where you are triggered most.

Are you getting stuck in your feelings of judgement for the other side to the point of paralysis? Or to the point where you aren't willing to look at your own side objectively, because you're so filled with rage that you will do anything to prove the other side is wrong?

Asking yourself those questions might be enough. It might be as far as you're willing to go! And that's okay. I believe asking those questions is still a helpful tool to provide clarity on what you're spending most of your time thinking about and where you can shift your focus. If you wanted to take it further, through this shadow exercise, my hope is that it disarms whatever is causing you the most anxiety, frustration, or grief. And in disarming that thing, you are able to support the causes that matter to you most from a place of more clarity, assurance, and heart.

Because with that kind of energy at your back, nothing can stop you.