Enter: The Void

It was bound to happen. Dive deep enough into "happiness" and you'll find it — the void. It's a big black hole with a lot of confusing feelings. And it is the best, most magical part of your brain you'll ever get a chance to visit. The void is a rite of passage. Each time you peel back a layer of self-doubt, fear, criticism, anger, betrayal, hurt, or the painful realization that your flaws are more damaging than you'd thought, the door to the void opens. It is mystical. It beckons. You enter. It is pitch black. You wait for your eyes to adjust. It starts to push you around. You stumble to catch your footing. There are animals in the void. They scurry from one corner of your mind to the next. Are they big? Are you small? 

I think of it, actually, as an exploration of your internal cosmos.

It's a new world. You're Louis & Clark. Or Marco Polo. Or some other wanderer, mapping out new paths and discoveries within the unknown. (Maybe if you find something new you can name it after yourself? Just a thought). Because the fact is: at some point, while navigating through the dark, you'll catch a flash of something that shimmers. And it is going to spark one of those "AHA!' moments that pulls you out of the void entirely and into a sort of euphoric glow. And that's what it feels like to peel off a layer. That's what it feels like when you embrace a new, better, more loving understanding of yourself. That's what it feels like to practice happiness. Void doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

I've been visiting the void a lot lately.

As a former sad girl, the one thing I'm not afraid to brag about is how good I am at entering the void. I am SO GOOD at entering the void. It's like a second home to me. And over the last few months, I've been visiting the void a lot. It doesn't bother me—I'm in and out in short spurts. I think the more comfortable you become in the void, the easier it is to visit without getting stuck there for too long. I'm in the middle of a massive transition in both life and career. I have NO IDEA what the future is about to hold for me. It could be incredible. It could be really shitty. I honestly don't know. Uncertainty is not a comfortable place to linger. But my explorations to the void have been fruitful. When I feel a dark or fear-based thought, I swing through that black hole and observe.

The only tool you need in the void is lack of judgement.

Did Louis or Clark judge the Rockies when they crossed over them—and nearly died? No. They observed. They acknowledged its magnitude and did their best to use its resources, however limited, to guide them to the other side. So when I'm in the void I try to do the same. Our dark thoughts are on our side. THEY ARE YOUR RESOURCES. We just need to learn their language. I begin to notice what triggers the dark feelings—they're not always thoughts, maybe just tension in my body. If I'm thinking about posting a photo of myself on Instagram, as a super basic example, my shoulders will tighten. "What's that?" I wonder. Let's hop into the void and explore. I realize, "okay, there's something uncomfortable about putting myself out there." What is it? That's when the dark thoughts appear. Fear of criticism, fear of SELF-criticism, fear of being seen because... with all of that there might be—and there it is: failure. That's the shimmer. The "AHA!" So now here I am, standing will all the fears I've managed to catch in my little hitchhikers nap-sack, and it's time to step out of the void and offer those fears up to the light. It's time to show my fear of failure, of criticism, some love. Because it's OKAY that I'm fearing those things. It's human. But those feelings need a little extra love, so I'm going to tell them what they need to hear to make them feel safer.

What happens when you shine a little light on your void-dwellers?

They change. They blossom. They feed you that euphoric glow. For me, it's about reminding my inner critic that it is worthy. It's about reminding my fear of being seen that it is okay to come out of hiding. And you know you're doing it right when you give yourself chills. "I am ready to be seen" is my new mantra. And then I shower myself with positive affirmations. And then I get chills ('cuz, you know: doing it right). Because I am ready to confront the critics. Because I am ready to fail. Because I know, deep down, that I'm the only one with the power to define what "failure" means for me. I am ready to be judged because I am the only one with the power to judge me. And if I can feed myself that light, I will always be okay. I will always recover. I will always feel loved and confident and supported.

I wanted to share that with you today because I think it's time we get to know each other on that level.

It's time to enter the void.

Where will it take you? How will it enlighten you? And remember, if you find yourself getting stuck, these are the magic words to repeat to yourself along the way: "I am okay." Because you are strong. Because the light inside you is connected to all the other lights in the galaxy—and they've all got your back. And because you got this. Beauty is inside, outside, above, below, and on the other side. ⚡️⚡️